Fanny Padovani | Thu, 30 Jan 2020
A cisgender woman is outraged after discovering that a brand of menstrual hygiene products has decided to remove female-coded symbols from its packaging. The decision, which came after a number of customers called on the brand to create gender-neutral products that are more inclusive to trans and genderqueer customers, has resulted in Always introducing new packaging which no longer features a female Venus symbol.
Beginning her disjointed tirade against the new packaging with “I’M NOT TRANSPHOBIC, BUT-” Jennifer Brown went on to express her feelings of blind fear and rage against what she has dubbed a vicious anti-women marketing move intended to erase her highly subjective personal experiences.
“It’s basically an attack on womanhood” argued Brown, aged 30, “Like are they saying women can’t use fanny pads anymore? That’s what it sounds like to me. It’s a corporate erasure of my uterus.”
Clad in a Topshop t-shirt bearing the slogan ‘nevertheless, she persisted’, Brown explained that she has so far spent her life as a feminist fighting to be recognised as a sentient being who is not defined by her biological functions. However, after reading half a twitter thread about the launch of gender-neutral packaging, she has now suddenly decided that menstruating is the most essential defining feature of womanhood.
Brown has stated that she is actually very supportive of intersectionality, claiming: “Anyone will tell you I’m a very conscientious person who supports all victims of the patriarchy. Especially sex workers, who I deeply pity because I believe sex work is objectively degrading to women. But this gender stuff has just got out of hand. The zoomer snowflakes have gone too far!”
Although Brown admits that she’s never really cared about the symbol before and says that she actually really dislikes how often menstrual hygiene products are wrapped up in unnecessary and somewhat infantilizing pink love heart packaging, the 30-year-old has continued to stand by her words.
She has also gone on to suggest that the lack of female-coded symbols on Always products will make it even harder for her boyfriend to figure out what to buy when she asks him to pick up sanitary products for her. She told reporters, “Dylan already struggles with any form of toiletry shopping. Just last month I asked him for tampons and he came home with a pack of 40 nappies. There’s no way he’ll manage now. What do you expect him to do? Educate himself about my anatomy?? Impossible.”
At press time Brown was noticeably on the defensive when questioned about her lack of understanding on issues affecting the trans community. Asked for comment, she cried out: “I’ve wanted a gay best friend ever since I watched Sex and the City 2. How much more of an LGBT ally could I possibly be?!”
Warel Pilmering | Fri, 22 May 2020