Madness to the Method

Jared Leto's theatre school of terror exposed


Holly Wude | Mon, 27 Jan 2020


Having bounced back from a variety of previous Twitter cancellations, including, but not limited to, his ‘weird Joker performance’ and ‘that time he tried to start a cult or something’, Jared ‘Mistah J’ Leto has found himself coming under fire yet again. According to several disgruntled parents who possess a mortifying desire to live vicariously through their children, Leto is allegedly running a Fight Club-esque method acting training camp for toddlers under the guise of an official theatre school.

“I just wanted my little Pippa to one-up all her classmates in her pre-school’s nativity play”, explained Georgie Porter-Thomson, aged 43, “But Leto has turned her absolutely feral. He’s been forcing the kids to fast for days on end then locking them in a basement with a single packet of Jaffa Cakes to fight over. Ever since then she’s had a wild look in her eyes and she keeps chewing through her booster seat in the car. I’ve tried asking him about the success rates of his curriculum but he’s always rushing off mid-conversation to do a hair mask”.

As he is no stranger to the challenges of method acting, Leto appears to be passing his penchant for pointlessly extreme and bizarre on-set behaviour down to the younger generation. Many of the children involved in his ‘theatre school’ are said to be following in his Suicide Squad footsteps by sending rodents and porn mags to their bewildered classmates and panto group peers.

Leto has refused to comment on the allegations, however, when contacted by the Gaudie for an interview the actor-turned-rock star-turned-tyrant replied with a series of knife emojis and said that the production team “better use a picture where my hair looks nice and silky- or else”. As an unbiased publication the Gaudie does not take kindly to threats and so we shall not be including any potentially flattering images of the accused.

 

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